It's all in the silence
by TheyDidn'tHaveMyName
Summary: Inspired by Ianto's speech in the Dead Line. Basically that little bit at the end made me think about the dynamic between our two favourite Torchwood officers.


A/N: I know, I know, haven't written anything in ages. Bogged down by uni. I have a few ideas milling about, so I'm working on them. Anyway, this was an idea I had because I first watched a video on you tube. I can't remember the exact vid but it was amazing, one of the most beautiful pieces of editing I've ever seen. It was Ianto's speech all edited together to Secondhand Serenade, I think. Anyway, it was beautiful and if you ever find it, watch it. So anyway, I then went back and listened to the speech from the Dead Line, and this was the product of it. It's quite different from what I usually write, but I'm quite proud of it. Either way I'd love to know what you think.

Warnings: Spoilers for the Dead Line Radio Play

Pairing: Posh and Becks… who do you think? Jack and Ianto

* * *

Jack knew exactly what was going on.

He had picked up the stupid phone, gut reaction, he didn't even stop to think. And then he was paralysed. He couldn't move, couldn't talk, couldn't scream.

But he could see. He could see through burning eyes that refused to blink. And he could hear. He could hear his friends terrified yells and worried conversations.

And for the first time in many, many, many years Jack Harkness was scared for himself. He was scared that his immortality would curse him to this living death, unable to die and so unable to recover he feared just freezing. Just being stuck.

Like this.

Forever.

He wished he could talk, or move or find someway to convey the idea of shooting him, just to see if he would come back good as new. But that idea scared him too. What if he came back paralysed, still unable to move and talk and live.

Because Jack wasn't afraid of death. He was afraid of this kind of life.

And as he worried he heard his friends talking.

Gwen was worried, but ever practical she put aside her fears and was looking for a cure.

And a voice he didn't think he'd hear. Stella Courtney. God they must be worried to get Stella in. One of the cleverest people he ever met.

And then his Ianto.

He could feel his warm hand grip his own, but he couldn't squeeze it back. He could only listen to Ianto's beautiful Welsh vowels. At first he just described what was going on the muted television which transformed for some inexplicable reason to the running repair work he was having to do to the SUV, and he was blaming Jack for most of it. And then he went quiet for a little while.

"They say you're supposed to talk to people when they're in a coma don't they."

If Jack could have jumped he would have at the sudden sound of Ianto's voice.

"I have absolutely no idea whether you can hear me Jack"

_I can. I can Ianto._

"I never heard of anybody coming out of one and carrying on the conversation. So I suspect its probably something the doctors tell us to do to make us feel better, rather than help you. We don't feel quite so useless and helpless"

_You are helping Yan. I want to tell you how much you're helping._

"We get the feeling there's still some sort of purpose in our lives, we're not just waiting. Waiting for the science to work, or the miracle to happen. Or the nightmare to end. I'm not much of a talker Jack, you know that"

_I know._

"But I'll talk to you now on the off chance that it helps. Just promise me, if you're hearing this, that when you come round, and you're going to Jack. You're gonna come out of this. Just promise me you'll never bring up anything I say to you now. How's that? We got a deal?"

_Depends what you say._

"This must be the longest I've ever looked at you and not seen you smile. I've watched you in your sleep. Did you know that? So many times, just woken up beside you in the middle of the night and watched you, watched your eyes move behind your eyelids as you dream. I tried to imagine what a man like you could possibly dream about. The things you've seen. The lives you've lived. The people you've loved. I wondered if you were dreaming about me, I hoped you were dreaming about me!"

_You have no idea how much I dream about you Ianto. You and a UNIT cap._

"But lets be honest Jack. I'm nothing more than a blip in time for you."

And Jack's heart broke. He wondered if the heart monitor registered it. Suddenly he was trying everything, trying to move, trying to yell, trying to scream. Just to show Ianto that he had it wrong. "Every day, I grow a little older. But you're immortal! You've already lived a thousand lifetimes. How could you watch me grow old and die? How could I watch you live and never age a day? I suppose we both know that'll never be a problem. Not in this job. No one in Torchwood ever lives to draw their pension, do they?"

_I won't let it happen to you Yan. I wont!_

"Even if by some miracle I survive to see my hair turn grey or, or god forbid fall out, I don't kid myself that you'd still be around to see it"

_Of course I will. _

"One day you'll go again, just like you did before. And this time you wont be back."

He could only listen as Ianto's voice broke and trembled, unable to comfort the man he cared for so much.

"Maybe that's what you're dreaming about those nights when I watch you sleeping. Maybe that's why even when you sleep, I see you smile"

_Oh Ianto._

"But you haven't gone yet Jack. I know that! I know you're coming back to me"

And Jack prayed that he would.

Just to tell Ianto he was wrong.

TWTWTWTWTW

And everything was back to normal. He was able to move and talk and touch again. And after Stella and Gwen left it was just him and Ianto, alone in a hospital room.

Ianto turned towards him. He shuffled awkwardly on his feet.

"So… you don't remember anything about the trance?" he asked carefully.

"_Promise me you'll never bring up anything I say to you now"_

"No."

He saw Ianto relax instantly.

"Did you talk to me while I was out of it? They say that's what you should do"

Jack kept his face straight.

"I talked… a little. But I'm not really much of a talker."

Jack couldn't bring himself to smile. Instead he tried not to let tears cloud his eyes. "I know"

"That's just me"

"Yeah"

As Ianto smiled thinly, turned and left the room Jack wondered if they'd ever get around to talking about what Ianto had said. He thought about going after him, but didn't. Instead he sighed, sat down on the bed and watched the suited figure walk down the crowded hospital hallway.

"But you never will just be a blip in time Ianto Jones. Not for me."

TWTWTWTWTW

And everything was back to normal. He was able to move and talk and touch again. And after Stella and Gwen left it was just him and Ianto, alone in a hospital room.

Ianto turned towards him. He shuffled awkwardly on his feet.

"So… you don't remember anything about the trance?" he asked carefully.

"_Promise me you'll never bring up anything I say to you now"_

"No." Ianto didn't relax. Jack suspected he could see through the lie. "Did you talk to me while I was out of it? They say that's what you should do"

Jack was grinning and Ianto raised an eyebrow.

"I talked… a little. But I'm not really much of a talker."

Jack smiled and stepped closer to Ianto, "I know"

Ianto smiled back, a knowing look in his eyes. "That's just me"

"Yeah"

Jack gazed at his young lover's ice blue eyes.

"But you never will just be a blip in time Ianto Jones. Not for me."

Ianto smiled and kissed him. He wasn't sure how long it lasted, but it was exactly what he needed.

"Thought you couldn't remember anything," asked Ianto after they finally broke apart.

"I can't. It was a remarkably clear dream. And just so you know, that dent in the SUV's bumper. That was Gwen"

"Liar"

"I am not! She hit a wall an-"

He was silenced by Ianto's lips.

"I thought I lost you that time"

"Never"

And they just held each other for a few minutes, letting the silence between them convey their feelings.

* * *

A/N: For obvious reasons, I like the second one best. What do you think?


End file.
